Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize