Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
