Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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