Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
