Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
