32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
