How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
