he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize