Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
