god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
