thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
