Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
