so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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