my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
