; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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