Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize