fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
