haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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