champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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