New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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