This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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