i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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