Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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