38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
