the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
