yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
