He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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