Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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