this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She bit a glass in half.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
