He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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