Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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