she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
