a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
