So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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