We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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