I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
