Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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