I cut my penus on the lid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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