Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
