i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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