Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is classic penis vs brain.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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