i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You ruined the universe
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
