so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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