I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
