So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
