You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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