I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
