the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
