oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
