I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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