was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
