I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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