porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
