Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize