He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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