Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
