So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
