Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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