And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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