i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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