Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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