bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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