It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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