do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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