i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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